2006 NYR #3: Find more suitable guidance - Done.

This was a tough one.

Often the best advice comes from someone who isn't close to you but unfortunately these are the last people you'd ask. Naturally would you really want someone not close to you knowing your thoughts? Especially those those causing you such dilemmas?

I have always believed in that rationale, however from experience it has never been optimal, or at times correct. What's more damning is that often others had given better advice (in retrospect), advice that you had ignored.

Throughout this year I've been pondering this resolution, and experimenting with it. When I got to decision in which I needed advice, I'd canvass opinions from both 'close' and just 'normal' friends. Statistically 'normal' friends; friends whom I do not see on a regular basis clearly demonstrated better advice accuracy than 'close' friends. Why is this so?

1. Groupthink

One reason might be the dreaded groupthink. Friends who you see on a frequent basis are often a) at the same events that cause you dilemma or b) under the same influences and stress that you're under (think exams or job interviews). This biases their perception of the problem and makes their judgment (not all the time but most) subjective.

Of course, having subjective assessments of your problem is the reason why you ask people for advise in the first place. The problem lies in the fact that close friends may often hold the same perceptions and opinions, and in relying solely on this group for advice, you do not consider views from others less involved in the situation.

2. They are (close to) the problem.

For me, most of my dilemmas comes from a problem involving people close to me. Because honestly, if you're not really close to someone (or cared that much), you wouldn't think that much about insulting them ;-)

3. They know you too well.

Silly reason, but sometimes people who know your thinking processing take into account your preferences. This isn't necessarily a bad attribute, but sometimes you really just want an impartial opinion...

Conclusion

All in all, I'm not saying that close friends are not good for advise. On the contrary (as stated above) they are great for assessing situations from your point of view. However, relying solely on them for advice will lead to an sub-optimal result. Canvassing a wide range of opinion is the key to making a complex and often non 0-sum decision.

Luckily there is someone whom I trust and who speaks her mind freely; a trait that is rare even amongst friends. I'm value your friendship fairy godmother ;-), your candidness and asessments always bring a new solutions to my problems. Solutions that sometimes I am unwilling to acknowledge myself.

Thanks...for keeping this Fishy sane.

NYR 3: Done.