2006 NYR #2: Clean up my emotional baggage - Done.

The last two resolutions are rather sensitive ones. They were made when emotions and self-righteousness ran high last new years eve. True, while lacking in objectivity, it is exactly at these moments - when you are blinded by emotions, that your inner self rears itself, unbridled by social conventions and the wellbeing of others.

To sound like a bad horror movie tagline "Id...returns..."

Anyways back to resolution number 2.

I had ended 2005 with a big piece of emotional baggage. I had a crush on a girl ever since first year, something that has haunted me through the years. After getting sick of being such a lamer, on that cold night on NYE 2005, with Elvis as my witness, I vowed that I'd end it. Although I had long given up on the idea, it wasn't until much much later that I finalised it. On some random evening, tired from a long day at work, I decided to just rock up and spill my weepy pathetic guts.

Confessions are always a selfish act. Because the confessor is the only one who gains a sense of peace, at the cost of someone else who now bears your burden. But boy did it feel good :) I guess this is what shrinks call closure. Some of my friends had warned me against it, since it would have achieved nothing as the object of my affection was already attached. But in unwinable situations liket his, suicide is the best way out. "If you love something, set it free". RAGE QUIT!

In all seriousness, it was a comforting to get all of this out of the way. And along the way I've learnt a lot about my failings and in turn begun dealing with them - my shyness and resulting indecisiveness when it came to my emotions, my misguided notions of love and friendship and lastly the lack of initiative in dealing with these problems.

It would be a lie to say that I am now free of emotional baggage, as this year has brought other things to my attention. However this experience has made the hardest moment of my life; Izzy's passing, more tolerable.

Before I conclude this extremely long rant...I'd just like remind the me who's reading over this in the future - never hope in love. Hope only further perpetuates blindness caused by your emotions...while you stumble headlong into a stupidity. Never wait in love either, because the longer you wait the greater then difference in your affection. Lastly always remain honest to your emotions, and do not let social conventions and other people get in the way of your own happiness.

Perhaps Mrs. E Darcy summed it up correctly:

"I have said no such thing. I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me."

NYR #2: Completed.